Ed. Note: Satyrine Infinitely recently published this opinion piece, penned by Reviats himself, AS FACT on their front page, and without attribution. We will only comment that it takes a particular type of heinous to write an entire article about a child’s party without once mentioning the near infanticide. Talk about burying the lede. The “article” is here re-published in full so that you, dear Reader, may make your own judgment about Satyrine Infinitely’s utter disregard for taste or decency.
Furthermore, we are glad to have Jacobi J.J. Jisenji, and all of our fine journalists, on staff here at the Notion.
Disaster befell the naming of the Silverune heir after the party was invaded by employees of The Crepuscule Notion.
Dianara and Aurelius Silverune held a formal naming ceremony for their newborn – Pearl – at the Silverune Estate in Zardim. The lavish affair was set to be a joyous celebration as the Silverunes welcomed the heir they had been hoping to have for so long. Unfortunately, sometime after dawn disaster struck.
It is the understanding of the Satyrine Infinitely that a group of so-called “journalists” from The Crepuscule Notion — led by one Jacobi Jisenji — entered the estate shortly after dawn. Lacking invitations, they bypassed the estate security and mingled with legitimate guests. The miscreant Notionites proceeded to harass both guests and hosts — Jisenji’s “gift” reportedly reduced the infant Silverune to tears — work magicks in a most uncouth manner and interfere with the entertainment.
The latter was to be the source of disaster for the morning; as the juvenile Verdant Behemoth, summoned and carefully bound for the guests enjoyment, broke free and began to terrorise the party-goers. One eyewitness reported seeing one of Jisenji’s group apparently giving orders to the beast immediately before it began to rampage through the property, causing severe distress to all present and significant structural damage to Silverune Manor.
Fortunately, none of the Silverunes were hurt in the chaos despite being in the epicentre of the creature’s swathe of destruction. It is understood that several gifts presented to young heir bore the brunt of the damage incurred, before the Thah arrived to pacify the rogue Behemoth.
The offices of Satyrine Infinitely offer their condolences to the Silverunes on the fate of their ceremony, but our heartfelt thanks that the family escaped unharmed and our congratulations upon their new addition. May the young Pearl never again have such misfortune visited upon her and her future celebrations be free of malefactors and malign influences.
Ed. Note: In the interest of full disclosure it behoves [sic] us to note that Jacobi Jisenji was employed by this paper for a brief period. His employment was terminated when details came to light surrounding his belligerent attitude, his inability to maintain even the most basic of journalistic standards and his flagrant & wilful misuse of punctuation.
Satyrine Infinitely strives to uphold the most stringent of journalistic practices; most notably we report the news, we aren’t the cause of it. Such behaviour is abhorrent and risks the reputation of our entire field. SI staff are contractually bound to behave with decorum and professionalism in all situations and may be relied upon for discreet reporting of any significant events or functions.